Lately I have had a lot on my mind, it has been a very emotional time for myself and my family life. Do you ever just get those times where it feels like so much is going on and you just have such a high multitude of feelings flowing through your body that you can’t pin point what your feeling when your feeling it? Things feel like they are coming to a point where I’m just sick of everyone and everything, there isn’t one specific event causing me to feel like this. It just seems to be that I’m fed up with things and feeling a little disappointed in the people surrounding us. I couldn’t figure out what had me feeling this type of way until a conversation with my boss this morning that finally helped me click together what I’m so over dealing with.
I got a IM asking what I was doing for the extra 20 minutes I wasn’t at my desk from my lunch. Now it is a valid question but, what rubbed me wrong was I just recently moved up into a position with more responsibility only to be watched even more carefully? Almost like the 5 years in my previous position spoke nothing to the type of employee I am for this company? I grew tried of my previous position and wanted something new and exciting but it doesn’t feel that way to me right now. I’m feeling disappointment and I’m trying to understand and figure out why I feel this way. I feel like there is so much more out there and no matter what I do I constantly feel like society is forcing me to make myself small. My wife & I have recently started exploring other options for work and are starting to get serious & creative because we have grown so tired of people trying to force us down and contain us into a tiny mason jar.
You may or may not know that my wife is transgender, she has gone through job after job and now that her legal name and gender marker matches who she is on the inside no job will even give her a chance. She just recently told me she applied for 58 jobs and not a single one has extended an interview, it only went as far as a phone call to set a interview up with the end result just to be an excuse on why they have to call back. This is a REAL problem today, the more we research, look into it and speak to other transgender folk they have been and are currently dealing with the same thing too. Our society likes to make it seem like we have companies in the Midwest that are LGBTQIA (which we do have some so we are thankful for the ones who are sincere) but, we have a lot of companies who will claim that title but won’t truly be or their employees don’t reflect that policy. In which you can certainly tell when people just say they support it but actually don’t or struggle with it.
Then there are the jobs that do hire you if you are transgender but they are jobs that barely make ends meet, they aren’t a permanent solution for those souls that always strive for more. A lot of people think that just because those jobs hire transgender men and women that they aren’t suffering but in reality, they are. They are suffering horribly, not only do they have to deal with being in a body that doesn’t match the beautiful human being in the inside, they have to deal with people making them smaller. There is so many expenses just to become who they truly are and society just expects them to make ends meet with a retail job, like that is living? Being transgender isn’t a choice you make, this is who they are and who they’ve always been. They don’t transition because it will be fun, they transition because they have to.. to survive in this relentless world.
Now, there are plenty of people who suffer in this world in different aspects and i recognize this 100% but there is frankly not enough light shed on the topic of the workforce and being transgender. Society talks a big game but when put to the test they bring nothing to the table. Every time myself or my wife have talked to our loved ones or acquaintances about big opportunities they always make us feel more belittled. We throw out our creative ideas to make money and no one ever believes in you, I’ve never had this personally reciprocated until I met my wife. They shoot you down and look at you like you are ridiculous and insane, like you aren’t deserving of being successful in BIG ways. Like you will only ever survive if you work a 9-5 job, they paint this as your only option to be successful. We don’t want to be limited to this and we shouldn’t have to be. Just because others might be comfortable with staying where they are doesn’t mean we have to be? I don’t think we will ever stop thinking big because it feels like there are generations of history depending on us and weighing on our shoulders.
We deserve change, we deserve to be heard and seen, we deserve to be able to go about our days and not be labeled by our identities like it makes us criminals. It is as if hiring us is made out to be a crime? We want to make it big, so we can help other lgbtq individuals get out of this constant loop that keeps us in a small enough box to move but nothing else. We deserve more then this, we deserve to succeed just like any other human being on this planet. They try to justify that it is a good thing any job will even hire you at all like you, have no basic human qualities solely because you’ve discovered who you are and what will make you happy for the rest of your life. Mainly because they are so out of depth with who they are that they get uncomfortable but that is what drives change. Being uncomfortable is what shapes us into the beautiful soul we were meant to be.
I don’t know about you but we are tired of having to make ourselves smaller to make everyone else feel more comfortable. The little compassion and understanding that other people have for each other especially the LGBTQIA community makes me sick to my stomach. I LOVE seeing other individuals get out there and find things that make them happy in their own skin. There is an aura that flows freely off someone who is happy in their own skin, who doesn’t care about others opinions because they are here to make themselves proud. That aura is truly beautiful and those individuals are by far my favorite human beings to surround myself with! (which is also why it feels like they are so hard to come by now a days)I’m not sure if you resonate with this but if you do I’d love to hear your story or input! I can’t speak for everyone but, if you want to be heard I am here to listen ❤
Thank you for taking the time to read my blog today, I am sending those who need it love and healing light today! You deserve to shine in the most beautiful version of you everyday ❤